9 August 2009

Two months ago I became another year older. 

It doesn't seem to have affected me mentally. I'm still a little loopy. OH alright...more than a little! When I was in my teens I thought I knew everything. Heck. I knew I knew everything. I wasn't arrogant over it, or think I was better than everyone else, but just didn't feel the need to take any advice from anyone. WHY!!! I graduated! I have one of those memories where I can look at something and remember it. I wouldn't say it's quite photographic, but I do appreciate what my mind can do, and I take no credit for it personally. I marvel at it for the most part and it 's like my mind has a mind of it's own. Like when I play the piano or type and my fingers just play or type. It amazes me to the point that I sit there and ponder...and screw up what I'm doing. LOL!!! It is just something I was blessed with. God did it. My birth parents probably had something to do with it. There are rumors... =D BUT I take no credit for it. I have always loved to read and always had the desire to learn. It helps that I have kept a journal for literally eons...well, at least forty years. That has helped me remember a lot also. Good therapy too. 

Physically...well, I haven't gained any weight in the last year, in fact I have lost some. That's a nice thing. Although I have found that the older I get, the HARDER it is to lose those little extra pounds that seem to have crept in here and there. As a teen I weighed in, soaking wet, at 105 pounds; weighing 225 at the birth of each of my children. I always lost the weight, so never dreamed I would not weight 105 for the rest of my life. But life continues on and things change. I no longer weight 105 pounds, soaking wet or otherwise. In fact, I look at some of these young girls, who probably do weigh 105 soaking wet and I find it abhorring. My gosh...I must have looked like a waif! Now I look healthy...maybe a little too healthy. =D
Emotionally...well, here's something that IS constantly changing. The older I get, the weepier I get. As a child I was very sensitive and compassionate. When my brother got in trouble, he never cried. BUT I cried for him. I felt bad for him. I am forever rooting for the underdog. One of the first movies I saw as a child was 101 Dalmatians. I was six. Every time Cruella DeVil came on the screen I ran off to the bathroom. I cried for the puppies. It has only gotten worse as the years have marched on. Right now we are watching The Sound of Music. I first saw this in 1965 when I was 10. I would make an estimated guess that I have seen it at least 50 times since then...and still cry throughout the movie at the designated "cry" parts. Dumbo, Bambi, 7 Brides for 7 Brothers--you name it, I'll bet I cry in it. I cry watching the fireworks during the Fourth of July...as well as during the patriotic songs. I am a weeper. I always have been, I always will be. So sue me! Driving back to Vegas from Missouri, I cried when I saw the Rocky Mountains!!! I'm going home. As I got to Apex and saw the lights of Vegas, I cried. There are commercials that touch me and, yes, I cry. The older I get, the more sentimental I get. Things seem to touch my heart in more ways than they used to. Maybe it's the thought that someday these things may be gone. Maybe it's because I wonder why they don't touch others the same way. I'm not sure. BUT I am more of a weeper than I used to be. This I know.

Spiritually...I can not deny it. As I learn more mentally, and feel more emotionally, I grow more spiritually. It has been a cycle. Situations arise. You learn about it. You ponder it. Pray about it. Get a feeling about it. Make a decision regarding it. If it's right, your spirit is overwhelmed and seems to expand the bounds that before were holding it back. The more situations you are in, the more you grow. It is an incredible process for which, yes...I cry! This spiritual growth is THE most awesome thing. To know that God is there to help you if you just "raise your hand" and ask. HE'S right there. ALWAYS!!! He always wants to help you. He always loves you. You can screw up big time and HE still loves you! I am so thankful for that knowledge. What a blessing! Who better to have on your side. A myriad of things touch my heart more than ever before. Tears come much more easily. I"m not afraid to cry.

Financially...w e l l...alas, I am not one of those people who made their first million by the time I was 30. AND it doesn't look like I'll make it by the time I'm 60! HECK! I don't even think I will by the time I'm 90. I live in Las Vegas...and don't gamble. I've seen more people lose everything they have in life than I care to think about. AND I don't play the lottery. AND Ed McMahon died! So...I'm thankful when my pay check pays what bills are due! That's a blessing I'm sure that's linked to tithing. => Not to mention that material things don't seem to have the worth they did years ago. We had a boat, cars, all kinds of toys, etc. We had it all...but it didn't mean anything. Now I don't have it and have come to realize that family and friends mean more than all the material things in the world.

Life in general to this point...you have to find out your own self-worth, then find someone of equal worth...and don't sell yourself short. AGAIN...I'm not being arrogant, BUT I've been schmoozed by the best, and it's no good. NO more schmoozing. AND even if that isn't a word, I like it and I'm sure there are a bunch of you who can relate! For those of you not willing to look it up, I just did..and it means just what you think it does...

Don't settle. I've been divorced for 18 years. NO, I'm not proud of it. I would have loved to stay married. We would have celebrated our 34th anniversary this last July. Marriage is GREAT. I still highly recommend it. However...I figure since things screwed up the first time, and then there was this relationship that I thought was incredible and turned out to be the biggest disaster of late...Well, I have a list now. Yeah...it got a little long. BUT I know what I want now and I'll just stay single until that special guy comes along. 

Know who you are, where you came from and where you are going. Something I've known for as long as I can remember. Some people have no idea who they are. I don't just mean "human" or "woman" or what ever label you stick on yourself, I mean find out who you are. Physically and spiritually. AND by "where you came from"...not where you were born, or where you just moved from. Where did you come from before you came here??? AND Where are you going??? Do you know? Do you care to know. These are things I know. Things I'm thankful I know. I "know what I know." Quoted from someone who knows... =>
Look for the positive in ALL things. Yeah, sometimes life is a drag. BUT so what. BE POSITIVE!!! Look for the lesson. There is a reason for everything. Every thing that happens is for a purpose. There are NO coincidences. In this town of chance, there are no chances...BOLD HUH??? Well, I believe there is a reason for everything. I know there are more skeptics out there that don't believe it, but this is my note. They can write their own.

Don't blame others. There are always three choices in EVERY situation. Sometimes more, but there are always three. Do you want Hot Fudge on your ice cream or not? You may think this is a yes or no questions. BUT there is another choice. NO...I don't want the ice cream...hot fudge or not. A little rash in my opinion, but still a choice. 

Pleasure is NOT happiness. Happiness is something that comes from within. Pleasure is fleeting. It's great for the moment...and then it's gone. I've never had an alcoholic drink. I've never done drugs. I've never smoked. I have heard that these are "pleasures" to some people. Whatever. BUT they won't make you happy. YOU have to make yourself happy. No matter what the situation is...only YOU can make yourself happy...or sad. Your choice. 

Children. My children mean more to me than anything else. I know people who don't have children that would do anything to have some. I know others who never wanted children and now wish they did. I know others who, from their outward signs, are "stuck" with their children. How SAD I am for them. What a blessing my children have been to me. How they have inspired me to be more. Always "thinking" I am more than I realize I am. They give me hope. They have brought more challenges than I can count. More joys than challenges. More incredible memories than I have time to write. Never would I have thought as a young woman of 21 how having children would change my life. They are awesome. I treasure my children. The older I get, the more they mean to me. WE have an awesome relationship. They have relationships with each other that blesses our family more than anything I could have imagined. I love them. They are wonderful. They are not perfect, but they are darn close...at least in my eyes.
So...these are my thoughts this Sunday evening...August 9th, 2009. And now you know the rest of the story...Yeah! I love Paul Harvey!!! He's cool!