They say the moon has an affect on us. I believe the whole universe has an affect on us. I believe our souls are interconnected; we can communicate with each other and not even know it. Sometimes a call out of the blue, or a message. We think of another person and reach out. We are more than mere beings here on earth. We touch each other in ways that are universal. Ways in which the heart, mind and soul or spirit connect and sometimes we question, "Why did that happen" or "What is going on?"
The phases of the moon have always provided fascination to me; the way it affects the earth, life and people. Some say it doesn't, but I believe it does. My great aunt worked in the labor and delivery area of a hospital. I remember as a young girl she said there were more births around the time of a full moon than other times of the month. I never checked the statistics on this, but I was born three days after a full moon. My were born within two to five days of a full moon. Tonight is a "blue" moon; July 1st provided one and tonight is the second one within a month.
There are days when I wake up in my "familiar" surroundings and stare at the ceiling; thankful to have a place which shelters me from everything. These "familiar" surroundings are not my things, this is not my home. BUT I'm SO thankful. Thankful because in the chaos of my life, my needs are being met.
Most days when I wake up I ponder what I will do, who I will see and where I will go. I think of things I'm going to do for others...or myself. I get up and start the day and life is good.
Then there are the "dark" days. Sometimes they are once a week, once a month...several days in a row. There was a time in my life when these "dark" days were daily...for weeks...turning in to months...and longer. Days when I "knew" how to "fix" myself, but couldn't. My youngest daughter wanted to come and visit, and I said, "No. This isn't a good time. You will not know me. Don't come." But she came anyway...we went to visit a friend who taught me again how to "fix" myself. It was a long journey, but I came through it.
This "darkness" has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. As a teenager the "darkness" turned to self-defeating behaviors. While my heart and soul had SO much "light" my mind carried this "darkness" which was difficult to balance. There were days when the light would win, and days when the darkness would take over. Do I know the causes? Yes. I've analyzed the causes for years. The things I have no control over, I dread and just try to make my way through it. The things I can control, I deal with.
There are times when you can "tell" yourself certain things which will level out the light and dark; you know the words, the phrases, the "fixes." Yet, there are also times when those things just won't work. You want them to work, but the dark seems to possess you and the more you fight the dark forces, the more they possess you. They eat at you and you sink deeper into the depths of the darkness.
Today is one of those days. I have never written these things for anyone to read, other than recorded it in my journal. Some say it can be hereditary. But it's there. I can't deny it. It's real. You can cover it and say you are "just fine" or whatever. When people question me as to "how are you" I usually reply, "Marvelous" and keep going...knowing that I'm fighting a battle within which is constant. A battle which requires insurmountable efforts at times. I keep telling myself, you're fine, you're marvelous, you can do it. And most days I can. There were years when I didn't think I would make it though. The older I get, the easier it seems. Maybe easier isn't the word for it. Maybe endurable is a better choice.
I am an extremely sensitive and emotional person. I have a connection with animals. I have always been able to "connect" with them. I've always found that interesting. I believe they have spirits which can connect as well.
With all the turmoil going on in the world, the feelings of the world rest on me at times. I feel the pains of the earth. I know the earth has a spirit as well, and groans in pain at times. I feel this...these pains. Sometimes I hear the cries.
About six months ago, I called my youngest daughter to "see if she needed anything?" She began crying and said I was an answer to her prayer...and she began to cry. We are prompted. Through our many connections in life, whether they are near or through social media, we can feel and hear the cries of others.
While I'm writing this, enduring the trials and challenges, my phone rang. My mother...second call, same conversation. I help her as I can. We discuss the same thing thing we discussed at least five times in a call two hours ago. This time she is in a different mood and the conversation has the same outcome, but the darkness is gone from it. Writing does help. After I hung up, I see my youngest daughter has sent a text...do I "want to come and help her make a mess?" Hmmmm.....she and my little grandchildren will be my light today. At least for a few hours. I've had these "calling" experiences with all of my children, daughter-in-law, cousins, etc. Most often with my children.
So, I'm anticipating the full moon tonight and hoping the light which shines down will bring the healing powers I need. Maybe I will go somewhere in this overly-lit city and find a perfect spot where the full moon will send it's forces down on me...
Tomorrow is another day. Another day to endure, bear up, persevere, and carry on. Another day to solve all the "complications" in my incredibly blessed life.
Some things I use to get me through the darkness...
Write, whether it's all of your blessings or things you are thankful for, OR what's making the darkness. Sometimes seeing it on paper helps to solve whatever it is.
Call someone...usually the first name is someone who "needs" you.
Visit someone who needs you.
Serve someone.
Bake something...and share it.
Pray.
Read scriptures.
Go out and enjoy nature.
Create something.
Exercise.
Go to a movie.
Write a letter.
Remember the things you've already been through, and that you can get through anything.
Remember that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for everything.
Remember "this too shall pass."
Remember you are loved by many.
Remember life isn't random. It has a purpose and YOU have a purpose.
Remember some tunnels are longer and darker than others, but there is light at the end of it.
Keep going...
No comments:
Post a Comment