The scars from the pains of life

There are all sorts of pains; physical, financial, mental, and emotional. THEY all can be large and small, and short or long, etc. I've overcome financial pains frequently, as well as physical...the other two seem to be much more difficult. 

Life has a way of changing from minute to minute. One minute you are fine, yet something happens to you, or someone who secondarily affects your life, and bingo, your life changes. Sometimes this happens suddenly without notice, or gradually, with plenty of notice. Yet either way, sometimes the pain  is SO great, it's hard to overcome.

Physical pains, for me, have come and gone throughout my life. The first physical pain, which I do NOT remember, happened the day after my first birthday. I've been told about it numerous times, BUT only have the scar to  remind me daily of what I don't remember. It seems that not long after moving to Hawaii we were still living at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel, waiting for our home to be finished. My dad had taken me down to the lobby to wait for my mother, who was getting ready for what ever it was we were going to do. Those details have never been related when this story was told; only that my dad and I were in the lobby and he was reading the paper. Apparently I was standing/jumping on the couch, fell and landed on the corner of the glass coffee table, splitting the end off of my cute little nose. No one was sued. No glass coffee table manufacturers were told to put warnings on their tables. No couch manufacturers were told to put warnings on their couches. The only thing that happened was...I became the youngest person ever to have a nose job...probably. HAHA! I'm sure it was painful, yet I remember nothing. Knowing my dad and how he is, I'm sure he fainted. Over the next few years I would collect several more scars on my knees, head, elbows, etc. from falling, running, jumping, flying, or trying to, etc. Yes, I was a tomboy; climbing coconut trees, playing "Cops and Robbers" or "Cowboys and Indians" or "Army", trying to be "superman", football, baseball, rollerskating. It became commonplace for me to receive a wound one way or the other. I had two black eyes one summer from playing "Hotbox". I've had other black eyes, but we won't go in to that.

Most physical pains just leave scars; then there are those which can also leave emotional scars as well. 

When I was about six years old, we were visiting relatives in California. My uncle was building apartments, and they were at the stage of having walls, etc. but no carpet, just the concrete floors. Several of my cousins and I were playing hide and seek. I was running to the base when the cousin who was "it" pushed me down and broke the corner off of my top tooth, which was just coming in. The other one was already out, and hadn't started coming back in. I picked up the piece and took it in to the house and showed my parents. While my aunt was making a phone call to the dentist, I heard my mother say, "Well, now she is damaged and no one will want her". My real first emotional scar was forming. 

I've broken a couple of toes, but nothing major. I've had stitches, but only a few here and there. Kidney stones have come and gone. NEVER believe any hospital staff who says they are like being in labor! NOT!!! I repeat...NOT!!!! It is NOT like being in labor. I've been in labor four times; two weighed pounds one ounce, one was 8 pounds 11 ounces and the other 8 pounds 4 ounces. My longest labor was with the last one, which was induced against my wishes; the shortest labor was around an hour and a half. The pain comes and goes and you have a child when it's all said done. Kidney stones are completely different! The pain is unbearable; so unbearable I have passed out. It's unquestionably excruciating. No doubt about it. AND when it finally does pass, you have this 6mm stone with all of these pokey barbs on it. NOT good!!! 

I've had a couple of surgeries. My tonsils were removed when I was about six. The fear of a mask on my face left a mental scar that erupted later in life when I was learning to scuba dive. NOT a good thing. That was another horrifying experience. I also went through a partial hysterectomy at the age of 28. Then a cyst removal on my hand when I was 29. Finally had my wisdom teeth removed when I was 30. Other than that, I am blessed, AND so thankful, to experience incredible health!!!

While physical pain leaves a scar of sorts, the memory fades and, for the most part, you are fine. You remember going through each thing, but the memory fades and sometimes the stories are funnier and funnier. 

AND so, my next blog will be about financial pains...

Singleness...is that a word?

Most days I am okay with my singleness. I get up, get ready for work, enjoy my job and co-workers, as well as most all of the students and things that happen during the day. Geeze, I listen to the various bands play music all day...fun music. The band director is funny and the kids love him. It's great.
This morning, as I prepared to go to the Jazz Festival, I went over and above my usual attire...I wore a hat. It's a cool hat. Not really where I'm going with this whole thought thing though...so back to the tracks. I find I derail myself several times in writing and talking...trying to get past that.
Anyway, my little Lucas spent the night. WHAT A JOY HE IS! Jenna too, but she's still small, sort of and not spending the night as often as Lucas does. I got him up and in the car...driving him home, which he didn't want to do, we sang the ABC song, talked about buses, and enjoyed the short, albeit, fun ride. After leaving him with Jess, I started off to the LVA...downtown Vegas...the OLD LVHS. I wasn't in any hurry; took the long way and wove in and out of the streets of Vegas on my way downtown. Went past some of the old haunts, and thought about the kids, fire stations, and how things have changed here in the last 40 years. A LOT!!! And my singleness came around on the tracks...I pondered that I looked pretty cool today; cute black and white flip skirt with a black lacy top and white blouse, black and white accessories, my black suede heels, and my cute hat. I started wondering if there was anyone out there who thought I was attractive? Why am I single? Why, after being married for 16 years, and divorcing in 1991, hasn't there been someone "worthy" of my company? What's wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me? I do shower every day...brush my teeth. What's the deal???
Tonight I watched Eat, Pray, Love...I've forgiven everything. I've moved on. I don't hate anyone. I don't know what happened...I don't know that anyone does. Where is the guy who wants to take me to an island...who will pack my things and want me? Is there someone out there I can wear lacy things for? I really would LOVE to have someone hold me...tell me it will be alright. Someone who thinks I'm worth spending time with. Someone who wants to hold my hand, walk with me, talk with me, to me...someone who will accept me as I am, and not want me to change. Someone who will love me for who I have become. Someone who enjoys life as much as I do and all it has to offer.
These are the things I ponder from time to time. It isn't often I ponder my singleness, and it isn't for very long. It usually ends with tears streaming down my face. BUT I recover quickly and move on. I try not to do feel this way in front of anyone, or when anyone is around. I get up in the morning and put my good attitude on with my good thoughts, get dressed and tell myself, "It's going to be a GREAT day!" And, for the most part, it is.

Jenna

 Jenna arrived on September 18th, 2012 at 2:37 am. She weighed 9 pounds 15 ounces and was 21 1/2 inches long. She is precious and Lucas is very gentle with her. It is so cute. At the moments she sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, sleeps, eats, gets diapered, and I think she smiled at me the other day!!!!! The "girls" (her mom and Aunt JB) are having even more fun taking pictures of her and dressing her up!
I had a horrible moment in Babies R Us right after she was born...

...we were in the little girl section of clothes and Jess was looking at all of the fancy Christmas dresses, etc. I LOVED sewing for my children, especially the girls. I always made these matching dresses for them. It was one of the joys of having girls. I saved all the patterns with the hopes of someday making darling things for my grandchildren...now that time is here...and all of my sewing things are in storage...I got caught up in my frustrations of life and emotions started to flow from my heart to my eyes...and out. I am still not over it, and can't wait to have a home where I can create once again.
So, this is our Jenna...the new little princess in our kingdom. She will have many princess dresses, and might carry a sword. I am hoping that she and Lucas will have cousins one of these days...months...years..

Lucas

I just realized when I was checking out my blog, I have missed writing about some very important events. ONE was becoming a grandmother for the first time.
The anticipation was indescribable! THEN when it finally happened, well...words can not express...or at least I haven't found words great enough to express my feelings...except to say, I am blessed!

Lucas was born on May 15th, 2011 at 2:27 am. He weighed 9 pounds 6 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long. I knew when we all found out that Jess was pregnant, that this child would change ALL of our lives, and he has. When he was a baby, we tried taking turns holding him at family events, BUT we could usually find him in the arms of his uncles...Mike and Bobby. It was a rare occasion that someone else had him. He is so loved!
Because he has so many grandparents, the distinguishing of grandma/pa this and grandma/pa that was doled out to the various grandparents...I became Meemaw. I love the Big Bang Theory and it just sort of stemmed from that.
He is now 17 months and not only is one of my biggest joys, but he is a big brother to Jenna...another blog coming up.

The happy Graf family!!!

Uncle Mike

Aunt Katie 

 

 

                                

Uncle Bobby

Aunt JB

The girls, Lucas' mom Jess and his Aunt JB saw this Viking hat and since I am the one who crochets, I was elected to make it. It is cute, we had fun with it!

So, these are some pretty random photos of Lucas from the past year. If I knew what I was doing on here, I would have some type of order. Maybe with Jenna I will figure it out!!!

 

Aunt JB has taken most of these photos...it was hard to find one with her in it. BUT she and Jess have an incredible amount of fun dressing Lucas up for his monthly photo shoot. The Superman and the phone booth was his 1 year old photo! It's one of my favorites!
I am fortunate to live so close to them. I get to see him frequently! AND he comes to visit me. When we part, there are big tears...first his, then mine. I love him so much! He is an incredible part of our family!

The dreaded house hunting!

I really thought when my home in St. Jo, MO FINALLY sold in late January of this year, that I would be in my new home by my birthday! NOT!!!! Here it is almost October and I am still, basically, homeless. Most all of my things have been in storage since June of 2008! The rest of it since March of this year! I have moved from St. Jo, to Utah...then back to Vegas; I've moved four times since moving back to Vegas. Twice with Jessica and Jason, once in a rental home and now at Jenny's.
When I finally was qualified to buy a home, I found that most of the homes had been snarfed up by investors! They would buy them, put in carpet and paint, then flip them for twice what they paid! There is a group of investors who do their homes the same way...I have seen literally dozens of their homes...the sad things is they paint the kitchen and bathroom cabinets black...which isn't a bad thing, but they paint them black inside and out...drawers too!!! THEN they painter guy/gal shuts them...and when someone comes to look at the home and tries to open the drawers/cabinets they are painted shut! Yep!!! Someone even pulled off the drawer front trying to open it! GEEZE!!! Are you serious! I just can't believe it. THEN there are the homes which are highest and best. Fifty people will put a bid on a home. I tried to look at one home where there was a tenant. Never did get to see it. You could only see if between three and four on Tuesday or Wednesday. WOW! THEN there are the homes where the people destroyed the home before being foreclosed on. NO cabinets, appliances, sinks, toilets, water heater, outlets, ceiling lights, closet doors, inside doors, plumbing ripped out, etc...one even had holes in the walls from the outside to the inside...so the cute little desert chipmunks could come in...probably scorpions and tarantulas as well! Holy cow! There are also some home...quite a few in fact...owned by Bank of America...and they will only let you bid on them if you bank with them. Dorks!
About a month ago, I was at a party HP group party. One of my friends told me that there were about 75,000 homes in a "shadow inventory"; they were going to release them after the election! Hmmmm...I thought I would check this out. So, the following Monday I asked my realtor (I need to write a blog about realtors), about this so called "shadow inventory" I heard about. SURE enough! BUT there aren't just 75,000 homes in this shadow inventory...the realtors have been told there are between 100,000 and 200,000 homes in this shadow inventory!!! WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?!!?!? Now I feel that since it's taken this long to find nothing, I might as well wait 10 more days until after the election just to see what's in this shadow inventory! I was told by my realtor today that they may start releasing them soon...which won't be too soon for me.
Needless to say, the house hunting has been frustrating, discouraging and a downright pain!

Hmmmm....

People are updating their blogs...well, sort of. I LOVE to write, but never think to do this, until someone posts something and I go to read theirs. Not only do I not remember the last thing I posted or wrote about, it took me several minutes to figure out how to post a new writing. GEEZE!!! I need to get with the program.
So, let's see...
I am living at Jenny's home in the, somewhat, middle of Vegas. Bobby is here...he makes life interesting. I'll explain...I have a dog and cat I brought with me from St. Jo, MO. Jade, the dog, is a Chow/Neufie mix, so she is big, black, hairy, and getting pretty old; Archimedes is a Bombay cat, black/sable with white feet, weighs about 20 pounds and rules the roost. He isn't afraid of much. By that I mean, when I babysit Mike's American Pit "Lucy", Archimedes doesn't think twice about snuggling up against her. hehehe...it's pretty funny. Lucy is an incredible dog. ANYWAY, the other animals in our home are: Colby, who is Karin's dog. He is part poodle and I'm not sure what else; not as big as Jade, but bigger than Archimedes...who rubs up against him and just keeps going. Then there is "Spike", the bearded dragon. I think I have a photo I could insert here...if I can figure out how...

Anyway, this is Spike...he's pretty cool and provides entertainment on the "Lizard Channel". Bobby will sit in his chair and the dogs will be somewhere in the house...and all of the sudden, Bobby will say, in a relatively normal voice, "Hey, what's on the Lizard Channel?" Where ever Jade is, she will come running and look inside the aquarium, like Spike is going to do some kind of trick. It's the funniest thing! I thought I had a photo, but alas...NOT! I will have to take one. OR a video. It's a riot.
Then we have the, uhumm... "pets", and I use the term loosely, which I do NOT have pictures of. They are in medium size plastic tubs. IF anyone would like me to post photos of them, I will, but until someone makes a request, I am NOT going to. I DO NOT take the lids off. Two of the tubs have...OH!!! these pets do not have names...or if they do, I don't know what they are. Anyway, two of the tubs have...are you ready...scorpions. Yep...and when you shine a black light on them, they are the most incredible florescent green color...they glow-in-the-dark! It's awesome, BUT please leave the lid on...keep all hands and arms inside the bus and DO NOT TOUCH them...DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME!!! The other tub has a very nice tarantula. I'm not sure what type of amusement or entertainment these "pets" provide, but nevertheless, they are a part of the household. So...sadly, our interesting little home life will be coming to an end in the next few weeks...Bobby is leaving and going to a condo on a golf course...I am STILL househunting, ANOTHER   L  O  N  G, sordid story for yet another blog. When I find a home, I will be moving. It will be my sixth move in four years! I'm so over it!
I'm sure Jenny will LOVE having everyone's things gone. I know there are a few of my things here, a few of Bobby's things...Karin's things...Jess' things...and possibly things belonging to a couple of other people. SO, she will have her home back and it might be normal...for her. She has some awesome chairs she is collecting. She uses them in her photography business. A couple of them I might like...but she would know if they were missing.
So...on to another blog...

The Overacheiver SUPER Mom/Woman

My life has never been dull. Ever. As a child growing up, we moved every year. I went to 14 different schools. I didn't watch much TV...I played outside, read, designed clothes for paper dolls, made clothes for my Barbie and baby dolls. Oh...once in awhile I did homework. I've also made clothes for myself since I was 12. I rode my bike all over creation when I was a teenager. My gosh, some days riding at least ten miles or more. Sometimes with a couple of friends...but just sometimes. Even though I was active, I spent my time alone. Wherever I was, I was alone, but doing something. Always busy, rarely idle.
Things haven't changed much...
When I got married, I filled the first few months unpacking boxes. When the piano arrived, I was thankful for the solace I would get from playing. That is something I have always been thankful for. No matter what my mood, I could play and it brought such peace. I miss my piano...maybe this summer we will reunite. =)
Even though this overachiever thing was somewhat present in my youth, it didn't really kick in until I had children...growing up, I just slowly added "achievements" to my repertoire. First the basics: drawing, sewing, embroidery, crocheting, knitting, weaving, jewelry making...until now, 50 years later, my list has come to include, but isn't limited to: advanced crocheting, knitting, one-stroke and tole painting, scrap-booking, card making, beading, wood crafts, calligraphy and decorative lettering, stained glass painting, latch hook, counted cross-stitch, embroidery, crewel, needlepoint and plastic canvas, quilting, drawing, sewing, decoupage, flower arranging, jewelry making, cake decorating, framed wall decor, origami, etching, felt crafts and other general crafts, t-shirt painting and decorating, decorating in general, architectural drawing, landscaping and gardening, baking, cooking, genealogy and family history, writing, auto repair to some extent, various other mechanics (such as lawn mowers, weed whackers, etc), general repairs around the house (such as rewiring lamps, toasters, outlets, replacing toilets, etc)...and never being afraid to try some other new thing.
So, with all of these "achievements" and knowledge, I had to do something with it. Sort of. I had children. By the time I had my fourth child, the oldest was 5 1/2 and the other two were not quite 2 and 4. I took on the four children next door as well as one across the street. Everywhere I went I had 9 children...two that were six, three that were 4, two - that were two years old, and the two babies. Here's where the overachiever part starts....They went with me everywhere. I was a mother quail, herding these children to the market, library, DMV, park, church meetings, and anywhere else I had to go on any certain day. OH...there were also two other children I watched for about 1/2 an hour before school. Did I get things done. I was always making clothes. Matching dresses for the girls and myself. Matching shirts for the boys and Bruce. Costumes for various things. I loved making the costumes and they had some awesome ones. Callings at church and visiting teaching. Baking and decorating cakes for birthdays and cookies for holidays. Doing laundry and cleaning. Until the late 80's. Then the kids did their own laundry. When the girls decided to do the "Punky Brewster" thing and wear at least two pairs of socks a day...which was twenty pairs by the end of the school week, not including the ten pairs the boys wore, I said that was enough...and they began doing their own laundry. =) We also had "school" time. I would sit them all at the table and teach them to write, draw, etc. We had reading time after lunch. Then they would all take a nap. They learned manners and to help out. We had fun. I was insane! No, not really. I loved it. All of my life I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be the best mom and have a wonderful time.
As the kids grew, there were other demands. Life changed. When their dad moved on, I had to learn to do other things. For the most part, out of necessity, and for another part, lack of funding. The toilet in the front bathroom cracked...somehow, we never knew how, but it needed to be replaced. Not wanting to "bother" anyone, I went out and bought one, and replaced it. I became thankful for the "DYI" books I had purchased.
There was never a dull moment in our home. Maybe we were all ADD or ADHD...or WHATEVER, but we were all, always busy. There were piano lessons, clogging lessons, swimming lesson, for all of them. There were recitals, concerts, baseball games, football games, swim meets, etc.
I was an organizer. The five of us would hold family council. Part of it would entail gripes, etc. Part of it was planning our week. Another part is where we would plan out our menus. Each of the kids would plan four meals for dinner. Write down what was needed for those meals, and then we would make a list, go through the coupons and then we would ALL go to the market. Each of them would have a cart. One for meats and produce. One for frozen things, etc. Once for canned goods and such. One for misc. items. They learned the "art" of shopping and buying. Which was more economical, better for you, better buy. They were always in "class". Life became a learning ground where I was always teaching them something. At the park, it was different plants. That happened almost everywhere there were plants/trees/bushes, etc. They learned different breeds of dogs, horses, and all the animals. At the beach, we went to the tide pools and they learned about that. I took every opportunity to teach them any thing I could. I loved it. We traveled to all kinds of places and did all sorts of things. It was great. I LOVED every minute of it and wouldn't change a thing.
When they were in high school, we had proms, home-comings, etc. It wasn't often, but wasn't unusual for Jenny to get up on the morning of the dance and say she hadn't found a dress and we needed to get fabric. She knows what I am capable of and was not and is not afraid to ask me to do something on the spur of the moment. While a small part of me is apprehensive and wonders, "What the heck is she thinking", a huge part of me is up for the challenge. We would go to the fabric store, get the patten, fabric, etc...go home, cut, sew and be ready for the dance that night.
THIS is the purpose for writing this. Fifteen, plus years have passed since this time, and while I am a lot older, a larger part of me thinks, "what the heck" and yet I am still up for the challenge. Wednesday, February 16th, about 10:00 pm, Jenny and Ashley came over with some fabric and patterns. No, they didn't need the dress the next day. AND Jenny just wanted me to "help" her make the dress..."when could I get with her to do it?" EGADS!!! I work 12 plus hours a day with two jobs and she rarely has time for anything. To get together would be next to impossible. So, the overachiever in me said, "Just leave it here and I will do it."
The next morning before leaving for work at 7:30 I laid out the dress. I had washed the fabric the night before. Then between jobs, I cut the dress out. This was Thursday. Friday morning before leaving for work at 7:30, I cut out the lining for the dress. Then after work on Friday I went to get the petticoat fabric from Jenny at her work. I got home and started sewing the dress at five; stopping for an hour to fetch a zipper from the store. They arrived about 8:00 that evening. I was just finishing the petticoat. Ashley tried on the dress and LOVED it! "Why don't you sew for people???" EGADS!!! She is funny! As they left at 9:30, I left to go out and eat with friends/coworkers from Michaels!
All of the kids, at various times call me to do something they KNOW I can do. They are not above asking the virtually impossible of me. I don't think they would ask anyone else. They just know or figure I can do it. AND the overachiever SUPER mom/woman is up for the challenge. Most of the time I pull it off. Jessica has asked me several times to come and help her with some project, and I'll go over after working all day and help her till after midnight. I believe this is what a mother does...or at least the overachiever SUPER mom/woman does... =) AND I don't mind. I'm thankful to be needed and thankful they still look to me to help them. It's awesome. The boys ask too...and Katie.
I am also the overachiever worker. At Michaels, because there isn't a craft in there that I don't do, I know where almost everything is...as long as they haven't moved it the night before, which happens now and again, and I have to hunt for it. My coworkers count on me to know where something is. The customers count on me to know or help them find things. Especially those I know. Now, at the school where I am working, they are finding out that I "know" how to do things...and I am quickly being asked to do various things.
AND what do I get in return???? Well, some of the adjectives that family, friends and customers use to describe me are: Awesome, the Bomb (at first I wasn't sure about this), incredible, wonderful, smart, fun, helpful, hard-working, great, marvelous, etc. One customer, after a long search for something she wanted, cried when I found it. That was a bit over-whelming. She thanked me profusely. I just love to help others. I love doing. I love serving others in whatever way I can. Since I have taken the time to learn so many things, I guess the overachiever in me gets a kick out of seeing if I can do it.
So, here's the kicker...I've wondered this now for some time. This is who I am. I'm not this way to impress anyone. Most people I meet on a daily basis don't even know these things. They are characteristics and traits that God blessed me with. I am thankful to Him for allowing me to know and do these things. I am who I am because of Him. I help where I can, do what I can and go on my way. I am thankful to be appreciated. It's nice to have others think I am amazing...even though I know from whence my amazingness comes from. Somewhere, before I came here, I guess I signed up for all of this. I must have made a promise. But did I promise to do it without a husband? Why, If I am so darned awesome, would he leave me with four little children? Why did I have to raise them alone? AND why if I am so amazing has someone else not jumped into my life. This is the puzzle I've been pondering....any thoughts????