14 July 2024

My body, my choice!

Writer is going WAY up the tree, and WAY out on a limb with this. You can follow her up, and out there, OR you can just stop reading. It is YOUR choice. No one is going to take it away from you, just like EVERYTHING else. YOU have a choice. Writer doesn’t care WHO you are, YOU always have a choice, and it can NEVER be taken away. No one can take away your ability to choose. It is YOUR GOD given right. With any choice. It is YOUR body and YOUR choice! You hear this ALL the time anymore. And it is true. You have the choice on EVERYTHING in life. You can do whatever you want, BUT YOU must accept the consequences for your choices.

Writer has thought long and hard about these things. This is NOT one of her typical works. Her works usually have humor, and are rarely on things she, OR anyone in The Hermitage hold within their hearts and souls. But this is going there. She has deliberated with everyone in The Hermitage at length. These are our thoughts on this.

You make numerous choices on a daily basis, whether you think about them or not; food, music, drinking, smoking, religion (or not), where you live, which way you will get there, who you talk to, or don’t talk to, your friends, your car, how you will wear your hair, sex, ETC. People may have an influence on those choices, “Do you want?” You can accept. You can say decline. You can hold off. With each choice there is accountability, reactions and consequences. Once you make a choice, everything is in motion from that point on.

As children, those of us in The Hermitage were taught about choices. We were taught through lectures, discussions, and examples. Sometimes our choices were met with, “You are the oldest! You should have made better choices! You knew better!” We were observant as to what others did, and sometimes this guided our choices. Some of these choices were based on life, some on religion, some were just plain common sense.

We thought about people with food allergies. We really never knew anyone with any food allergies when we were growing up, even until about 40 years ago. When Employee was working in education, she knew a LOT of people with them. One child was SO allergic to peanuts, if a child used the desk the period before this child and ate peanuts and got ANY part of the peanuts on the desk, this child could actually DIE! Employee was taught over and over about allergic reactions being part of the health office. This child, now an adult, MUST take a proactive approach to food in life! They cannot take ANY chances. Any chance at all can lead to death. They, and the parents, were VERY vigilant with this. NO peanuts anywhere. So, while this is their body, their choice, the choice must ALWAYS BE NO! By anyone around them. There are other food allergies and situations where they may not have to be as vigilant. Here in The Hermitage you will NOT find walnuts. We’ve eaten them when we didn’t know they were in something, and they do make our throats itch. So, we just leave them be. It is our body, our choice. DO we insist that no one else eats them? NO.

As small children, then as teens, we grew up around many alcoholics; family, relatives, friends, family friends, neighbors, etc. We witnessed personally what alcohol does and it was NEVER pretty. EVER! We witnessed people become completely different when they drink; argumentative, combatant, abusive, senseless, and antagonistic, among many other things. We never saw one of our grandfathers sober. He was always drunk, and always chewing. He died when Queen was eleven. When young, the decision was made that we would NEVER drink alcohol. At the present time, this is still holding, and we have never had an alcoholic drink. It is OUR body and our choice. Do we expect everyone else to do this? NO.

Smoking is the same. We’ve never seen any good come from this either and we have never smoked. It is OUR body and our choice. Do we expect this from others? NO.

Food is something we don’t take lightly, and it does show. Writer said there was no humor in this, perhaps she is wrong. We have been doing much better in the last ten years or so. We eat smaller portions and try to eat less sugar and fats. We are working on “moderation in all things” as we go through our day. We have had people from many different philosophies and practices suggest different eating habits and styles. We like far too many foods to go up those trees and out on those limbs. It is OUR body and our choice. Do we tell others what they should do? NO.

Well, we are back. Writer, and others took a half hour break. Most of us know what is coming next and it is difficult. To say the least. There will be no details…For the most part.

In late October of 1954 an unmarried woman with two boys found herself pregnant. None of us know the story and never will in this life. In late December of that year she married a man. Not the father of the baby. There are many little details, but he demanded she adopt the baby out. And when Queen was born, she was adopted by a couple who were struggling to have a baby. Growing up she was cared for, but when she was six her dad left. This was a difficult time, and continued to be difficult as her mother put the “fun” in dysfunctional. Was everyone’s life like this she wondered? Every year a different house and a different school. When she was nine, they lived in Albuquerque. There were “classes” at that time in school explaining “life,” and such. Yes, she paid attention. However, Queen’s mum had an uncle who lived there. Queen complained that she hated going over there, and explained why. These things fell on deaf ears as she was told “that’s the way some men are!” So when they visited, Queen stayed as far away as possible from him, and made sure she was NEVER alone. Then, at 15, coming home from a choir concert she got a ride with a fellow student. The ride didn’t go straight home. Didn’t go where Queen thought it would go. Things happened. Things we don’t talk about. BUT she remembers exactly HOW she felt…For a LONG time. To this day, when she thinks about it, she STILL remembers exactly how she felt. NO. The story was never told.

Queen, as well as everyone else in The Hermitage LOVES children and always has. Employee started babysitting at the age of 11. This has all been told in other writings. Queen always wanted to be a mother. Her dream was to have two boys and two girls. After she got married. In life, those of us in The Hermitage have learned that people randomly have sex, never caring what will happen. Then there is making love. In our minds, those are two completely different things. One is a completely careless act and choice you make with your body for pleasure. The other is a commitment made between two people for many reasons and purposes. Some people have sex and don’t even know the other person's last name. There are literally thousands of stories. They don’t care if there is an outcome, they are only concerned with their pleasure at the time. Maybe they were drinking. Maybe they were just thoughtless. The list of maybes and whys are extensive. But they are NOT thinking of any consequences. They are just performing a pleasurable act for their own reasons. They don’t care about the consequences of their acts until they find out they are pregnant.

Just as the child with the allergies MUST think of the consequences, or they will die, those who have casual sex for whatever reason should think of the consequences. Because we know there are consequences. IF you do NOT want to be pregnant, then that is where your choices begin. DO something so you don’t get pregnant. It is YOUR BODY and YOUR CHOICE!!! YOU have the opportunity to MAKE THAT CHOICE, and the choices are many. No one can take that choice from you. Say NO! YOU have that right. No one has taken that right away. Those of us in The Hermitage tried the pill. Tried several different kinds with horrible side effects. We used an IUD. Works just fine. YOU have the choice! NO one can take it from you.

Don’t be the child who can’t have peanuts, but eats them anyway. But if you do, you made that choice with what to do with your body. It was YOUR body and YOUR choice. And if it turns out you have created another body within you that was your choice. So, you did make a choice with your body. Now you have a choice of what to do with the new little body you carry within you. You are making the choice for that body because of the choice you made with your body. Choices are many in life. You make them every day. Sometimes when you make a choice it ripples and makes choices for others. Some who don’t have a voice yet.

The national rape-related pregnancies is 5%. It is interesting how many of those babies are born. How many of these women keep these babies? How many of them adopt them out? How many of these babies you may know: Eartha Kitt, Zahara Jolie-Pitt, Jesse Jackson, Nell Carter, Ethel Waters, and many others. Rape is not a pleasant thing to talk about. Statistics show rape has happened to girls as young as 11, and as old as 45, and most have kept the babies. The stories are heartbreaking and inspiring.

There aren’t statistics for casual sex pregnancies, however, the stories from the women who have carried their babies’ full-term are equally heartbreaking and inspiring.

But in the end, no one can take your choice from you regarding YOUR BODY, YOUR CHOICE. However, when you make the choice to have sex with your body, knowing you don’t want to get pregnant, you have made the choice for your body. The consequences of what happens thereafter is past your body, your choice. Will anyone in The Hermitage judge you? NO. YOU made the choice. It is YOUR body. That is a God given right. No one can take that right of choice. We only make choices for our bodies.