17 Dec 2017

A short update on my mom.

Yesterday she was finally released from Desert Springs Hospital, where the nurses and CNA’s didn’t want her to go. They wanted to keep her. But after 5 hours and much paperwork, she is settled in her next to final home. Over the last 50+ years she has moved almost every year…and loves to move. I hated it. So, I told her for Christmas she got her wish of moving. She seemed to be happy about it. I was less than happy. For me, it was a very emotional move. It was a move that signaled the beginning of the last chapter she will have here on earth. She’s had many chapters in her life, filled with many people, places and happenings. I was maybe a little selfish, maybe, in not wanting this chapter to come. When I read books, sometimes I read the last page of the last chapter. Yes, call it wrong, but I do it. SO, I know how this chapter ends…and while I know what happens after this chapter, I just didn’t want it to come to this. I wanted her to be able to not go through this part. I wanted her to remember things, be vibrant and social till the end. But that isn’t the case. I wanted “us” to fix the past and have a relationship most mothers and daughters have. But that isn’t the case either. But she is doing okay and this will be okay.

Actually, it was a prayer answered. This is not an easy situation, as those of you who have had the challenge will attest. I’ve had a lot of things to deal with physically and watching what she has been going through has been difficult for me mentally and emotionally. Yet through it all, she has dealt with things smiling and oblivious of what is going on around her, in the world or anywhere else. So, I’ve prayed about what to do. In the last few days, I’ve made and received countless calls from case workers, social workers, friends, family, nurses, CNA’s, hospice advocates, and care workers. Just wanting and trying to do what is right.

Friday morning I prayed for direction. Those of you who aren’t religious may not find any credence to this, but that’s where I go to give thanks, look for direction, answers and anything else. I’ve had a lot of experience with this and I know that prayer works. So, I prayed that I would be guided in finding a place that would be best for her. She was transported to “this place” yesterday. I couldn’t believe it when I got there. She is one of 6 there and I felt so at peace when I got there just before she did. I was doing paperwork and they took her to her room. When I went into the room I was amazed! Her bed is next to the east window…in view of ALL incoming planes! She can look out that window all day and watch the planes land! For those of you who know how she LOVES to do this, you will understand. I KNOW that God knows each of us personally and individually. He knows who we are, He knows our thoughts, our desires, our hearts, and He loves each of us. He has answered my prayers countless times and I’ve been so thankful that this prayer was answered so completely and quickly. At least one of her nurses is LDS and was helpful with questions I had.

As I stood with her in her room, she began talking like she understood and was fine. She said, “You need to clean out my other place and take what is there. It isn’t much, but do what you want with it.” I thought about what was there…her life…all of the places she has lived and been. I thought about all of the places I’ve lived with her and houses we’ve lived in…and all of the moves. Then she said, “Make sure you get my china.” Hmmmm…I would love to. She got this “china” when she got married in the mid 40’s. As a child growing up, I was the one who learned how to hand wash the “special” china. I helped pack the china each time we moved; this china has moved at least three dozen times, twice across the Pacific Ocean. I was the one who set the table with it when we had company. I was the one it was promised to and the one who was supposed to get it at this time in life. So, when she mentioned the china, I thought of where the china is at this time and yes, I’m angry. The people who have it should NEVER have taken it. Family things belong in the family…as these people well know. My aunt asked for a rocking chair that belonged to their father (her brother) when he died. He said she could have it, but wasn’t given the rocking chair. While I know we “can’t take it with us,” I also know that they never ate off that china. My children grew up eating off of the china. They would be the ones who would get it when I leave. This china is really what my mother considers “all” of her earthly possessions. She doesn’t have anything else anymore. With all of her moves, things have been lost, broken or whatever. BUT the china…it was always packed with the greatest care. She treasured this china and I grew up with the same great care for it, knowing that one day I would have it…and then one of my children. So, when she mentioned the china, which not only surprised me, but rattled my nerves, I didn’t know what to say. She made me promise to continue to take care of it and “make sure you wash it by hand!” Okay…would love to have it. Every time we use it, we would think of her. I would think of all of those who ever ate on them. The memories are plentiful and special…sort of like the china itself. The china was something she loved more than anything, and because of that, I have a great love for it.

And just as quickly as she was mostly lucid…she went on to ask if I had seen Otis lately? No, I hadn’t. What about Wendell? No…I haven’t seen him either. Otis was the oldest of the 8 children, and Wendell was two down from her. She had 6 brothers and a sister. All are gone except for my mom and her brother Howard, who is 16 years younger than she.

So, she is doing okay, for the most part. She realizes that she is in that final chapter as well. But she is with others in a small group care home…and can watch the planes all day. I’m so thankful prayers were answered. So thankful she is happy in her own way. I’m glad she isn’t suffering or in pain. I’m glad she is comfortable.

I don't know when or what the next update will be; maybe I will have a special story and more photos. I'll see what I can find.