Most days I am okay with my singleness. I get up, get ready for work, enjoy my job and co-workers, as well as most all of the students and things that happen during the day. Geeze, I listen to the various bands play music all day...fun music. The band director is funny and the kids love him. It's great.
This morning, as I prepared to go to the Jazz Festival, I went over and above my usual attire...I wore a hat. It's a cool hat. Not really where I'm going with this whole thought thing though...so back to the tracks. I find I derail myself several times in writing and talking...trying to get past that.
Anyway, my little Lucas spent the night. WHAT A JOY HE IS! Jenna too, but she's still small, sort of and not spending the night as often as Lucas does. I got him up and in the car...driving him home, which he didn't want to do, we sang the ABC song, talked about buses, and enjoyed the short, albeit, fun ride. After leaving him with Jess, I started off to the LVA...downtown Vegas...the OLD LVHS. I wasn't in any hurry; took the long way and wove in and out of the streets of Vegas on my way downtown. Went past some of the old haunts, and thought about the kids, fire stations, and how things have changed here in the last 40 years. A LOT!!! And my singleness came around on the tracks...I pondered that I looked pretty cool today; cute black and white flip skirt with a black lacy top and white blouse, black and white accessories, my black suede heels, and my cute hat. I started wondering if there was anyone out there who thought I was attractive? Why am I single? Why, after being married for 16 years, and divorcing in 1991, hasn't there been someone "worthy" of my company? What's wrong with me? Is there something wrong with me? I do shower every day...brush my teeth. What's the deal???
Tonight I watched Eat, Pray, Love...I've forgiven everything. I've moved on. I don't hate anyone. I don't know what happened...I don't know that anyone does. Where is the guy who wants to take me to an island...who will pack my things and want me? Is there someone out there I can wear lacy things for? I really would LOVE to have someone hold me...tell me it will be alright. Someone who thinks I'm worth spending time with. Someone who wants to hold my hand, walk with me, talk with me, to me...someone who will accept me as I am, and not want me to change. Someone who will love me for who I have become. Someone who enjoys life as much as I do and all it has to offer.
These are the things I ponder from time to time. It isn't often I ponder my singleness, and it isn't for very long. It usually ends with tears streaming down my face. BUT I recover quickly and move on. I try not to do feel this way in front of anyone, or when anyone is around. I get up in the morning and put my good attitude on with my good thoughts, get dressed and tell myself, "It's going to be a GREAT day!" And, for the most part, it is.
