Mom died seven years ago today. We will be reflecting on this today.
Happy Mother’s Day to ALL women, for we are ALL nurturers in so many ways. In our lives we “mother” many. Mothering is nurturing and caring for others, compassion, selflessness, sacrifice, and so MUCH more. Even though a mother is usually thought to be someone who cares for her children, they can also be children of a spouse, or adoption, or relatives. They can be children of a friend. And then there is the other end of the spectrum, where you are “mothering” your parents.
Mother's Day is difficult for many. I know there are many women who haven't had the opportunity yet to be a mom. They mother the children of others, but motherhood has eluded them so far. They have the desire. They have the want. They have the qualities of being magnificent moms, but for some reason, it isn't their time...yet. Our hearts go out to those women who have wanted to be mothers since they were children, who yearn to be mothers, and those who have lost children through miscarriages, or stillbirth. There are those whose time hasn’t come, and may not come. Our hearts ache for your desires to be mothers. And then those who have never had the opportunity for one reason or another. Then there are those who become pregnant, and make the incredibly loving, and amazing choice to give their baby to someone else who may be able to better care for it. My heart aches for these women. We pray for them daily. We pray for miracles in their lives and the blessings they bring.
In the fall of 1954 a mother of two boys had a decision to make. I have no idea how difficult it was to make, nor do I know the choices and consequences which came later. I don't know what she went through because of all the choices she made, but I know she told me that she never stopped thinking of me. Because of her choices, another woman was given the opportunity to have a baby. One woman gave me life and the other raised me.
We have read about many mothers over the years; in the scriptures, books, magazines, and countless news articles, etc. Some are held in places of honor in The Hermitage; Heavenly Mother, Eve, Mary the mother of Christ, Sarah, and others. Mothers who sacrifice and give their all to their children. Mothers who have lost their children to death, accidents, disease, wars, etc. All have a place of honor.
Those of us in The Hermitage have seen thousands of mothers throughout our lives; from hovering mothers to free-range mothers, doting mothers, and those who seem to have forgotten that they are mothers. Mothers who parent, and mothers who want to be “friends” with their children. Mothers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, cultures, etc. Most do the best they can. Some follow their mother’s examples, and some use those examples, and do things differently.
Motherhood is not easy. There is really no instruction book or manual…really. We’ve read so many books on motherhood and raising children. We’ve learned that they don’t always work for your children. AND while trying to do what others have done, CAN work, EVERY child is different. Queen has four children and while in some ways they may have similarities, for the most part they are each their own person and completely different from each other. To do one thing with one, won’t work with the others. AND while they are ALL raised in the same home, with the same rules, foods, people, etc. they ALL turn out different. They may have the same opinions on some things, yet differ in others. Some like certain foods and others won’t touch it. Trying to keep a status quo in a home is sometimes beyond means. With several personalities, just keeping them all going forward, speaking kindly, no fighting, no crying, no pouting, no “stink eye” looks, or anything else, is asking a lot. Trying to keep them from “breathing each other’s air” can be trying. The eyes in the back of your head are in constant surveillance. AND when there is silence, you KNOW something is going on. You just know. Some days it works, and some days it is beyond asking.
When Queen was a child, she wanted to have children one day. She wanted four children, two boys and two girls. Babysitting prepared her for the future. When she was 11 she started babysitting. She frequently watched the four children who lived next door, and another two houses down. At 13 there were several homes where she babysat. This continued on through her teenage years. She didn’t just “babysit” but was taught and encouraged to do more than just tend children. She babysat two most frequently, and would take the boy with her, driving to the coast highway to pick up the little girl at the Montessori school, and bring them both home. Then would fix dinner while the two would do their homework or play. After dinner, she would get the kitchen cleaned up, make sure the playroom was cleaned up, and they were bathed and ready for bed. A story was read, maybe two, and they were in bed. There were several other sets of children she babysat at this time, for various families always fixing dinners, cleaning, playing games, teaching/helping with homework, etc. She felt like a mother to most of them.
Our hearts also ache for single mothers and single dads. It's frustrating and difficult to raise children alone. We know. Sadly, when we are out we hear their frustration in the way they talk to these little spirits they brought into the world. We feel bad for their situation. It breaks our hearts to hear the words they use and the tones in which they use these words. Yet, these children know that this is their mother. This is the woman they look to for everything. They trust her. Follow her. Do what she says. Rarely question. They take whatever abuse is dished out. They love her. No matter what. The struggle is heartbreaking. At one time they wanted these children, and then something happened, and now they take it out on them. And this goes for single dads as well.
There were years when we hated it. So many trials and challenges we never thought we stood in line for, however, we can look back and see the wisdom and blessings. It was the hardest thing we have ever done, but we have NEVER hated being a momma, ma, mom, or mommy. We have always loved each of our four children. We weren’t the perfect mom. Some days were good. Some were not so good. Some may have been horrible. But it wasn't them. It was us. Parenthood isn't easy. But we gave it our best shot. We gave our all. While there were times when we wanted to quit, we didn't. We may have tried, but we didn't leave them. These four children, now adults, and amazing adults at that, make us proud. We love them with all of our hearts, and they have ALL blessed our lives in more ways than anything in the world. They are the treasures of The Hermitage. They are the jewels in our crown. Families are forever and we are SO thankful for that. We are SO thankful they chose Queen to be their mother, and hope they are happy with the choice they made. Queen is forever grateful to have learned SO much from them. The rest of us in The Hermitage are thankful for our part in their lives. What a blessing it has been.
So here's to all of you out there who do what you can day in and day out, in the life of a child, yours or someone else’s, to make life happen, and a child happy. Who give your all through struggles, crying, helplessness, and everything else. Enjoy the laughter, the joy and hold onto the memories. Hugs. Love. Happiness.
The following thoughts and poem are written by someone else, but we liked them. Hope you will too.
FROM MOTHER TO MOTHER
A spirit child is set to go
And says goodbye to its Mother.
With Father’s blessing it is passed
To the waiting arms of another.
For one brief moment, time stands still,
Then the exchange becomes complete.
The new mom counts fingers and toes;
How tiny are these hands and feet!
The baby yawns. The mother smiles.
She could not love this baby more.
She thanks her God for sending her
The miracle she’s waited for.
She wonders what her baby thinks,
As she looks into baby’s eyes.
It almost takes her breath away
How a newborn could look so wise.
How much does a child remember
Coming down from heaven to earth?
What memories of its former life
Does a baby retain at birth?
Each baby born is heaven-sent,
Fresh from Heavenly Mother’s care.
She knows, as she sends them to Earth,
The trials they must suffer there.
.
How She must feel, sending us here;
Perhaps a mother understands.
Each time a new baby is born
Another child is changing hands.
One in heaven, one on Earth,
Two mothers watch as each child grows,
United in love for their child,
For love is what a mother knows.
— by Bonnie Lake Bloomfield, 5/8/24
